A dollar? Cute. I'll allow it.
📜 Comes with a Certificate of Nothing
Send $1
Founder & Chief Receiving Officer
Hi, I'm Brittany. 💅 Give me your money.
You're going to give me money. You're going to get nothing. You're going to love it.
Send it, babe
18+ only. Non-refundable. You get nothing (and a Certificate of Nothing).
Why?
Everyone on the internet is trying to sell you something. A supplement, a coin, a "mindset." I'm not selling anything. I'm just asking. Nicely. Ish.
Honestly? That's the most respectful thing anyone's done for you all week. You're welcome.
0
things of value shipped
0
replies sent (so far)
100%
of your money goes to me
Secure checkout
Choose your contribution
That's a coffee you'll never drink. Iconic.
📜 Comes with a Certificate of Nothing
Send $5Generous, pointless, and honestly kind of hot. Of you, I mean.
📜 Comes with a Certificate of Nothing
Send $20
Okay, you have my attention. For about four seconds.
Gets you on this week's $1–$100 board. Anonymous unless you pick a nickname.
📜 Comes with a Certificate of Nothing
Send $100
👑 Lands you on the weekly $1k+ board. Top spot wears the crown.
You're officially my favorite bad decision.
📜 Comes with a Certificate of Nothing
Become the Landlord
🏛️ Permanent Hall of Fame spot.
📜 A Certificate of Nothing (zero equity, beautifully framed).
I'd say I'll remember this. And honestly? I might.
Invest in nothingNon-refundable. You get nothing. Well, a Certificate of Nothing. 18+ only.
Invite-only energy · Bank wire
Are you a real baller?
Some gestures are too big for a card, babe. Send a wire.
$5K
"Seed Investor in Nothing (Wire Edition)"
Same zero equity, now with routing numbers. Very grown-up of you.
📜 Comes with a Certificate of Nothing
Bank wire only. Wires are final and non-refundable. You get nothing.
Wire $5,000$10K
"Series A in Absolutely Nothing"
Valuation: still $0. Your confidence: priceless.
📜 Comes with a Certificate of Nothing
Bank wire only. Wires are final and non-refundable. You get nothing.
Wire $10,000$20K
"Brittany's Majority Shareholder of Nothing"
You control 51% of nothing. I'm so proud of you.
📜 Comes with a Certificate of Nothing
Bank wire only. Wires are final and non-refundable. You get nothing.
Wire $20,000Bank wire only. 18+ only. Wires are final and non-refundable. You get nothing.
Recurring · Billed monthly
Subscribe to Nothing
Put me on auto-pay. Cancel anytime. You won't. (You can, though. Anytime, online.)
Billed $9.99/month · cancel anytime · non-refundable
A little something every month so I don't forget you. I will, but it's sweet.
📜 Comes with a Certificate of Nothing
Subscribe $9.99/monthRenews monthly until you cancel. Cancel anytime.
Billed $49/month · cancel anytime · non-refundable
You don't live here. You chip in anyway. Adorable.
📜 Comes with a Certificate of Nothing
Subscribe $49/monthRenews monthly until you cancel. Cancel anytime.
Billed $249/month · cancel anytime · non-refundable
You're officially on my calendar. Monthly. Still nothing.
📜 Comes with a Certificate of Nothing
Subscribe $249/monthRenews monthly until you cancel. Cancel anytime.
Recurring charge. Cancel anytime. Non-refundable. You get nothing, monthly. 18+ only. Subscriptions renew automatically each month until you cancel. Cancel anytime online from the account you checked out with.
Real payments only
The Wall of Simps
Everyone's anonymous by default, like "Anonymous Simp #0412". Nicknames are opt-in. Three boards, so a $1 sweetheart never gets buried by a whale. Boards reset every week.
$1–$100
Resets weekly
$1k+
Resets weekly · #1 wears the crown
Monthly
Resets weekly
Hall of Fame
No Seed Investors yet. History is waiting, babe.
What you get vs. what I get
| Item | You | Me |
|---|---|---|
| Money back | $0.00 | Your money |
| A reply | No | Peace and quiet |
| A date | Absolutely not | A new purse |
| Bragging rights | A Certificate of Nothing | Also yes |
Coming soon
Text Brittany
Maybe I'll text you back. Maybe I'll leave you on read. Either way it'll be me. Drop your email and I'll tell you if it happens.
You're on the list. 💌
I'll pretend I wasn't waiting for you.
Email only. 18+. One email if it launches. Nothing else.
FAQ
Who is Brittany?
A girl with expensive taste and zero plans to give you anything back. Want the whole story? Meet Brittany.
What do I actually get?
Nothing. Okay, fine: a Certificate of Nothing. After checkout you can make a shareable image with your nickname (or stay anonymous), the amount, and the date, officially certifying that you received absolutely nothing.
Will anyone see my name?
Only if you want them to. Everyone on the Wall shows as "Anonymous Simp #0412"-style by default. Nicknames are opt-in. Real names and emails never go on the site.
Refunds?
No. Every payment is non-refundable and you get nothing. You'll tick a box saying you understand before checkout. Wires are final too.
Do I have to be 18?
Yes. 18+ only, and you confirm it before checkout. Go do your homework, sweetie.
Can I cancel my subscription?
Yes. Monthly plans renew every month until you cancel, and you can cancel anytime online from the account you checked out with. I'll miss you. I won't, but it's nice to say.
Will she text me back?
Not yet. Text Brittany is coming soon. Join the waitlist above and I'll let you know.
Is this tax deductible?
Babe. No.
